Well, as much as I try to forget or deny the news three years ago of the way I was conceived it just comes back to mind. This knowledge, as "ah ha" and confirming as it was, has also caused a great deal of anxiety. So, I decided to spend time having a session with a therapist, listed on the donor sibling registry website who specializes in issues surrounding donor conceived children. (she is in San Francisco, but does phone sessions) She was terrific, and it was nice to be able to talk with someone who already knows about donor conception issues and the emotions involved. I have also since spoken with other donor conceived people and have joined an email and a FB group. But, more than not, I seem to be one of the few that does not agree with donor conception and find myself getting annoyed at some of the comments and posts. I also was able to see the recently aired "Sperm Donor", and I wanted to say to him "Hello...what were you thinking"? But, that is the problem, people are not thinking. They are not thinking of genetic information that might be important medically to the offspring that is not being told due to the donor not revealing it, or anonymity, not thinking of future emotions of everyone involved or the future well being of those children. I find it very frustrating that such thoughts don't cross people's minds when choosing to participate in donor conception.
I have not been searching recently for my biological father, as life has been busy, but am considering doing one of the genetic tests offered to those who are adopted, or have little information regarding their genetic origin. It seems like a big step to do this, as I thought I knew who I was inside and out, and now I have to questions that. I do believe that I was created for a purpose and I thank God for that, and take comfort in knowing that HE knows who I am :)
For those of you reading this and potentially going through your own search, I have to say that this is a process that brings much emotion, so time is your friend.
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Hi Offspring girl. I am also an Offspring girl. I found out that I was donor conceived when I was 30 during a family fight. It was traumatic. I loved my "father" very much but since he passed away I have been increasingly interested to find out if I have siblings and to meet my extended family. I am an only child with very little family. I totally agree with you. Anonymous sperm donation is totally wrong and immoral. People should know who their genetic family is. And even if the sperm donation is not anonymous, how hurtful is it to know that you have a 'biological' father out there who doesnt care about your existance. It is abhorent!!! You are lucky that you live in the US where there is activism about this. I was conceived in South Africa, in a veil of secrecy in a private doctors clinic. I have contacted the doctor about it but he denies it ever happened (It was probably illegal at the time). I have a terrible sense of loss that I dont know where I come from. Half of my history is missing. I want to know who my family is but I will probably never know and have to live with this pain for the rest of my life. I also observe people I know going to sperm banks and think that they are not paying enough attention to what the needs of their offspring will be. Instead, they are focusing on their own needs and thinking of the little happy bouncy baby that they will hold in their arms. To those contemplating donor conception, be warned: The bouncy baby will grow up into a person whose needs are different to yours. If you live in the developing world in a country like South Africa, consider adoption rather than donor insemination! There are many children who need to be loved!
ReplyDeleteI am sincerely interested in hearing your perspective on why adoption would be preferable to sperm donation. I cannot seem to find anything about that and am curious as to your thoughts. I don't live in a developing country, however.
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