No Denying Donor Conception

Well, as much as I try to forget or deny the news three years ago of the way I was conceived it just comes back to mind. This knowledge, as "ah ha" and confirming as it was, has also caused a great deal of anxiety. So, I decided to spend time having a session with a therapist, listed on the donor sibling registry website who specializes in issues surrounding donor conceived children. (she is in San Francisco, but does phone sessions) She was terrific, and it was nice to be able to talk with someone who already knows about donor conception issues and the emotions involved. I have also since spoken with other donor conceived people and have joined an email and a FB group. But, more than not, I seem to be one of the few that does not agree with donor conception and find myself getting annoyed at some of the comments and posts. I also was able to see the recently aired "Sperm Donor", and I wanted to say to him "Hello...what were you thinking"? But, that is the problem, people are not thinking. They are not thinking of genetic information that might be important medically to the offspring that is not being told due to the donor not revealing it, or anonymity, not thinking of future emotions of everyone involved or the future well being of those children. I find it very frustrating that such thoughts don't cross people's minds when choosing to participate in donor conception.
I have not been searching recently for my biological father, as life has been busy, but am considering doing one of the genetic tests offered to those who are adopted, or have little information regarding their genetic origin. It seems like a big step to do this, as I thought I knew who I was inside and out, and now I have to questions that. I do believe that I was created for a purpose and I thank God for that, and take comfort in knowing that HE knows who I am :)
For those of you reading this and potentially going through your own search, I have to say that this is a process that brings much emotion, so time is your friend.

Still Searching

Someone posted on one of the comments, that the search for your biological parent is emotional. That person is very correct. It seems, that you can search a little and then you need to take a break. I have taken a break for a number of months, but am now continuing. I have contacted a private investigator, that may be agreeing to assist me in my search. I find it frustrating that the donor conceived have so little access to information in our search. It just is not fair.

In researching, more and more, it seems that other Countries are moving forward by leaps and bounds, as to opening the doors to donor conceived children to find out information regarding their biological parents. I would think, that the USA would be more progressive in this.

I sometimes feel like shouting at those people who are entering into the infertility clinics using donors " Do you know what you are doing?" I wish I could sit down with every care provider and donor, and tell them my experience and thoughts. Having taken a course on beginning of life issues and ethics, prior to finding out that I was donor conceived, I have very strong opinions regarding donor conception, which now conflict with my own conception. A real ethical dilemma...

But, by God's grace, I am here and as a wise Rabbi said to me "your life is a gift".

It's Been A Year

Well, its been a year. I have researched, ordered year books, and have now began to ask people questions, but still no idea who my biological Father is. What have I learned? That this subject scares the people of that era and that everyone is very tight lipped. Did they all take a pact to not say a word? Don't they know how important, someone's biological, and cultural heritage? Well, the search goes on :) I look at old photos, and while I appreciate the love and care my Dad gave me, I still long to know my biological historyl

Things Are Progressing

Thank you to the replies regarding my blog. I feel like I am making a little progress. I decided to try and purchase some of the yearbooks from the years that my biological father was potentially in med school. I would have loved to have just gone to the school and taken a view of the yearbooks, but, they do not allow the public to access them. I went on eBay, searched, and found one right away :) The yearbooks are terrific, because they not only have the students name and picture, but also, information like, if they were married, and had children. I would think that in that era, the 60's, that people probably were not donating if they already had children, but who knows? Anyhow, I decided to contact one of the physicians in this class and ask him, if I could ask some questions. Basically, I just wanted to ask questions about policies surrounding donating at the time, how popular it was, and if he knew my Mom's physician. Well, much to my surprise, when I called, he answered the phone, instead of the receptionist I thought would answer. He said he was retired, so I must have been calling his residence. Anyhow, it really took me by surprise. I froze for a moment and then was brief, to the point and said that I was gathering information. Well, I think that he was more surprised than I, and uncomfortable. He quickly said that he was just getting ready to leave, and when I asked if I should leave my number with him to call later, he quietly said that he would pass on that. I did tell him my name several times, and told him how to get a hold of my via my office. I wonder what he was thinking? Did he think it was a joke? Was he a donor during that time? Was he wanting to protect other donors in his class? Hmmm.

It's Been Awhile

Its been awhile since my last post. The summer has been nice, and it seems that as time goes on, I have been thinking less and less about the big question, who is my biological father? Yes, I still would like to know, but why has the drive I once felt lessened over time. I am grateful, that the photos are back up at the med school where my biological father attended, and therefore, I can resume my search as I was missing some information. As a matter of a fact, I did receive further information that has been just sitting for some days now. Why am I feeling ambivalent? I am sure this is normal. I do often wonder, when walking down the hospital corridor, if my biological father could be practicing in a hospital where I have been, or even in my area, as his med school is about an hour from where I live. Someone, another physician did point out to me recently that during the era when I was conceived, only the smartest, best looking donors were chosen, that did make me feel good :) Hmmm.

DNA and Father's Day

This month I have looked into DNA testing, and have talked with a P.I. specializing in finding biological parents. I found out that the DNA testing, which in my case is to find a biological father, via a potential DNA database match is not available, since people are matched through the Y chromosome traced in males. Also, in speaking with a P.I., who was very nice and sent me some online links, he made it clear that he could not help me, as my biological father is protected since American donors are annonymous (particularly during the 60's). I wanted to shout "How messed up is that?" This was very frustrating, and disheartening. Then there was Father's Day. I wondered how I would feel this Father's Day, having lost the Father I had known all my life and not being able to find the biological Father I hadn't known even existed. Sometimes I look into the mirror and look at features definitly not of my Mother and try to imagine what my biological father looks like. Maybe someday I'll know.

A Good Meeting..

I met another person also looking for her donor Dad. It was nice to meet someone else also looking. I am always taken back by people's responses that do not understand why someone would want to know who their biological father is in my situation? You would think it would be obvious that 1/2 your medical history and family history is missing and then there is just plain curiosity. In my case, there are potential genetic traits that I probably should have been screened for during my pregnancy as a potential carrier. The search goes on.